Help please i feel alone?

right now im am at the edge feeling very horrible......all day i have been treated badly but i havent done anything....my friend came up to me about to hug me and backed away and said ew no then at lunch i sat at the table while my friends talked and i read....then once i started a conversation no one really cared what it was about...so at the end of my sentence i made a statement saying they didnt really cared...they said they werent listening....and i dont need new friends i just got new friends they treat me the same.....all i do is watch as i fade into nobody....i read now but still about things similar to my life...i cut and have anxiety attacks..and im severly depressed just no one notices....my step dad left with my step brother and sister in 2009 i just havent let them go...i still keep pictures in my locker and have their bikes....i just dont want to go on....i have planned suicide and thought of it all the time i just dont have the guts to leave...i do well in school but i want to be homeschooled....my mom says homeschooling wont be an option(thats the only part about this thing i told her) i just dont want to tell my family but get better with a friend but no friend wants me...i get panic attacks more often and ughhh i just cant stand how my life turned out